if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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