My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
