So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
