I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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