I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
