So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
