A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
