batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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