I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
