Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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