I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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