i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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