If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
