community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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