..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
