I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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