My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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