Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
