this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
