I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
