Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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