Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
