My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I will be naked everywhere
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
