I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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