So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
