Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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