glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
