And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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