He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
