Your favorite bartender is back from prision
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
