Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
