I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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