Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
