I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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