I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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