My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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