I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
