I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
now i know why i became what i already was.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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