He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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