Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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