I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
