is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
