I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
