it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The struggles of a small town man whore
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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