Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
