Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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