apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
