I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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