i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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