Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
