Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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