We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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