How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
