12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
