You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
