I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
