Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
