Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
